i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
