my mouth tastes like poor choices
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
