um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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