ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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