Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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