I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
it glows. i had to have it.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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