idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
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