Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
