you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
