you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
