you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Randomize
