True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
