I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
