She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Randomize
