oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
