You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
the liver wants what the liver wants
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
