Non-Jews are for practice
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
