Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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