HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
