Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Randomize
