i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize
