Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Randomize
