Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Randomize