peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
She bit a glass in half.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
