It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
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