God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
