oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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