my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
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