sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Randomize
