I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
