So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize