Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
