I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
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