last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
