he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
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