I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Randomize
