dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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