First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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