Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Randomize
