at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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