Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
