i think my tv is drunk
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
