Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
