That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
