Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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