took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
