Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
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