it's like russian roulette but with a penis
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
But break dance skills will only take you so far
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
