well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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