I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Randomize