You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
