just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
