just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
