he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Randomize
