I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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