i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
