shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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