i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Randomize