remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
