Your mouth is God's brothel.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Randomize
