Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
