And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Randomize
