i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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