I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Randomize
