His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
