I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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