Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
