When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
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