It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
bring money and cleavage
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Randomize
