i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Randomize
