Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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