My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize