Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Randomize
